For open communication about sexuality, it is important to trust your partner so you can express your insecurities and look for solutions as a couple.
Difficulty with how to talk to your partner about sexual problems is a very common report in clinical practice. Silence, embarrassment, and fear, even within healthy relationships, can be harmful for the couple.
Many men avoid the conversation, whether out of fear of disappointing their partner, seeming fragile, or being judged. But this behavior tends to increase emotional distress and create distance between partners.
On the other hand, building intimate communication about sexual health can contribute to reducing performance anxiety — a factor that can be associated with erectile dysfunction of psychological origin — and it can also encourage seeking appropriate urological evaluation.
Talking about this type of issue is not a reason for shame. Learn how to improve the dialogue about sexual difficulties and how to discuss sexual dysfunction with respect and responsibility.
Related: Loss of libido in men: what could be happening to you?
Why is it so difficult to talk to your partner about sexual problems?
The difficulty of how to address sexual problems in a relationship does not happen by chance. It is built socially and culturally throughout life.
From an early age, many men learn that they need to be always available and ready for sex. As a result, sexuality becomes associated with performance and virility, rather than pleasure and intimacy.
Because of this, when a man faces difficulties, he may fear that his partner will interpret the situation incorrectly, as lack of desire, disinterest in sex with a woman, infidelity, vulnerability, or weakness.
Even an occasional “failure at the right moment,” which is common for any man, can generate excessive negative feelings.
Fear of judgment leads to silence instead of breaking taboos in the couple’s sexuality. Learning how to deal with shame in sexual life is essential to break this cycle.
Related: Tactics and practical tips for a fulfilling sex life
How to talk to your partner about sexual problems: practical steps
Check out some strategies for talking about erectile difficulties, orgasm, low libido, premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation, penile curvature, and any other sexual dissatisfaction with the person you love.
Choose the right moment
The ideal is to choose a calm moment and a private setting, outside the bedroom, in which both of you can talk without rushing or interruptions in a peaceful environment.
Avoid starting this type of conversation right after a frustrating sexual encounter, when emotions tend to run high.
Be honest, but gentle
Tell your partner what is happening. Even if she can see the physical signs, describe them to her and, most importantly, say how you feel and what you think about the situation.
Never blame your partner, and offer her space to be heard as well. These initiatives are fundamental for building trust in an intimate relationship.
Show that partnership is essential
Make it clear that the conversation is an invitation to improve sexual intimacy in marriage. Reinforce that your partner is important in the process of acceptance and coping with any sexual dysfunction.
Explain your feelings and insecurities
Talking about fears, expectations, and insecurities helps your partner understand what is happening and reduces misinterpretations.
Remember: your partner should be someone you trust, with whom you feel comfortable exposing your vulnerabilities.
How your partner can help during the process
Your partner can act as a continuous emotional support, and her attitude can help significantly reduce the tension associated with sexual dysfunction.
Your partner can act as an important emotional support, and her attitude can contribute to reducing the tension associated with sexual dysfunction.
By reducing explicit or implicit pressure, the man tends to feel more emotionally secure, which has a positive impact on the relationship.
Understanding contributes to other forms of intimacy and connection, and it also allows you to explore sexuality, so that the “right moment” does not revolve only around erection, and to adjust your sexual routine.
In addition, encouragement to seek treatment and participate in medical appointments is welcome. This presence reinforces the idea of partnership, strengthens mutual support when facing difficulties related to erectile dysfunction, and contributes to a more emotionally safe environment during follow-up.
When to seek specialized medical help
The dialogue between the couple is very important to improve sexual life, but it does not replace medical evaluation.
A man should see a urologist when there is:
- Difficulty getting an erection in most sexual relations;
- Absence or decrease of morning erections;
- Pain during erection;
- Anatomical changes in the penis, such as penile curvature, loss of size, or areas of narrowing;
- Persistent drop in libido;
- Avoidance of intimate contact;
- Performance anxiety.
Seeing a doctor is important to identify possible causes of sexual dysfunctions and to discuss follow-up and treatment options that are most appropriate for each case. This also helps prevent a man from trying to handle the situation on his own and putting his health at risk.
Seeking professional help can also support the couple in accepting sexual difficulties, with possible referral to sex therapy for couples.
Talk to Dr. Paulo Egydio
Talking about sexual life with a urologist is a way to take care of health and gain quality of life. Dr. Paulo Egydio has 25 years of experience supporting men of all ages as they seek care for sexual health concerns.
In addition to providing guidance on how to talk to your partner about sexual problems, the physician can evaluate the patient’s concerns and discuss the most appropriate treatment options, considering the needs of the man and the couple.
A specialized medical evaluation can be an important step in caring for male sexual health, whenever indicated.
